Agnes says…
Wednesday, August 8th, 2007I now have “Jane Says” by Jane’s Addiction in my head. Dang it. (Love that song, but it’s hard to write now.) It throws me back in an almost violent way to a different time of life.
Back to the point of the post:
Agnes was crying. Finally she broke through the tears to tell me that she’s feeling worn down. Her man apologizes but then does the same stuff over and over again - rendering the apology meaningless. The other related habit he has is to do the double-back apology: He apologizes but then blames her. It has the same result, nullifying the apology.
How the double-back apology works is this: Say you and I are at the grocery and somehow you run over my foot with the grocery cart (called, in some places, a “buggy”). I yelp, “Ouch!” and you look at me kinda mad and say, “I’m sorry but YOU should watch where you put your feet!”
That’s the double-back apology. And really it’s not an apology at all.
So Agnes is all sad and blue and I don’t know how to console her, except to do more of my rather stupid suggesting of ways to repair it. You know, “Well, you could try using ‘I’ language and tell him how you feel, how it hurts your feelings.” If you’ve ever done that with a friend, you know how colossally pointless it is. And it just makes it worse.
The double-A word combo for today is Agnes / apology. Agnology… ? Apolognes… ? Either way, it sucks.
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