Agnes twisted
It’s been a long time since I’ve shared an Agnes story. She and I are still close in touch but as you’ve noticed, I haven’t been close in touch with YOU!
So Agnes has been through it - she’s actually talked to a domestic violence place at the urging of her counselor. I was concerned that perhaps her husband has hit her, but she says no. He’s verbally and emotionally abusive.
And here’s the thing - I’ve heard people scoff at that, at the notion of verbal and/or emotional abuse - it’s not real, it doesn’t really count. But I’ve been reading up on this and you’d better believe it’s real. And boy, does it count.
Like me, Agnes has a history of depression. And like me, hers has been treated with medication and therapy (for me, thereapy has been off and on for a kazillion years). We’re both survivors of a lot of shit.
So what does verbal abuse do to a person? It can make her, over time, dislike herself. It can make her question her own beliefs, ideas, thoughts, and even motives. The emotional side of it just blends in to make the verbal part more effective: Add to what I just described a slowly growing inability to stick up for oneself; a slowly growing yet very calculated separation from one’s friends and even family.
Where a person finds herself (or himself) is alone on an island of anger with a controlling and paranoid person - the spouse.
That’s where Agnes finds herself most times. She has her children and a few friends. I’ve told her to set up a blog for herself but she’s afraid he’ll find it. His anger controls her every move; his anger has shaped her entire sense of self. She questions her place in the universe, if she even deserves to have it.
And why not just walk out? She is slowly working towards it. But to quote Agnes, “I find that I am more entrenched in his sticky, all-consuming web than I’d ever realized before.” In fact, she said, “it’s like walking out from a deep tunnel - I didn’t realize just how deep it was until I realized I’d been walking for days and days and can still only see a tiny glimpse of light.”
It makes me so sad that Agnes is so twisted by this man. I imagine a towel, each end held in a hand, and then tightly twisted - and that’s her life, her soul, her peace of mind.
Tags: agnes, domestic abuse, verbal abuse