Feline Warrior

Errr… that is, Taylor Swift. She was the musical guest on SNL tonight. Her two performances were so frighteningly horrid that I was riveted. I couldn’t walk away, couldn’t look away.

I don’t know where to begin… She’s pretty enough - her face reminded me of Shirley Temple. If Shirley Temple had been famous as an 18-year old. But definitely not as talented as Shirley Temple.

Her band was SO enthusiastic that I can only believe that they are paid handsomely to behave that way. They leaped about as if the music was really rockin’ (which it definitely was not) and a few times did that thing guitarists and bassists do - kinda lean into each other, smiling, getting into the groove. Except… no groove in this case.

There was also a violinst who, in her shiny sassy skirt looked like she might have come from her audition for Arcade Fire (but alas, they wouldn’t have her). She did a fair share of low dips, overdone bow movements and excited jumping about.

All of that movement was just so unnecessary. An analogy… their enthusiasm was to this music what a meteoric explosion would be to lighting a cigarette. Waaaay too much.

I’ve saved the best for last. Taylor herself. My first thoughts: Wow, daddy must have some money; the blonde girl really (really, really) wanted to be a singer. (In her case, “singer.”) She is off-key. Her voice has no power. Did I mention she was off-key? She did peculiar little pointy-stabby things with her fingers (sort of like if Lewis Black was a tallish blonde girl attempting to punctuate the nonsensical lyrics of her poorly sung song).

Finally, she strummed that guitar -yes, the sparkly one- so intensely when she wasn’t singing, but then stopped when she was singing. And her left hand rarely moved, leading me to believe (no, it confirmed) that she can’t play the guitar either.

So the final verdict? Taylor Swift is pretty. But for a singer, a musical perfomer, she’s just horribly terribly awful. Make her stop. MAKE IT STOP!

This arrived in my in-box today. It made me laugh pretty hard: it’s a scam for the scammed. That is, “Mrs.Sarah Thomas,” “secretary of the United Nations, wrote to tell me that I am among 50 (and only 50) victims of scam who are to receive $500,000. Yup, it’s (un-)true!

SIR/MADAM,

This is to bring to your notice that we are delegated from the UNITED NATIONS in Central Bank to pay 50 victims of scam $500,000 USD (five Hundred Thousand Dollars) each.. You are listed and approved for this  payment as one of the scammed victims to be paid this amount,  get back to this office as soon as possible for the immediate payment of your $500,000 USD compensation funds.

My dear friend I will like you to contact the finance house for the collection of this international certificated bank draft. The name and contact address of The Person with your Cheque is Mr. Wesley Greenfield.

Send a copy of your response to official email:
SECURITY & FINACIAL CONTACT AGENT: Mr. Wesley Greenfield
EMAIL:georgeellliisssrrrr@googlemail.com
CELL PHONE: +234-801-334-8760

You are advised to send your communication particulars, full names, telephone/fax numbers,mailing address,age and occupation to enable us have your cheque sent to your designated address.

Yours Faithfully,
Mrs.Sarah Thomas
Secretary United Nations
West Africa

Tags: scam, west african scam

Let’s not play around with this new one, huh? It’s fresh and new, shiny but still a bit delicate. Barely touched. Hell, it’s a virgin. It’s 2009.

So let’s make it good. Make it count. All those bad thoughts we had in 2008? Just stop it! Snarky comments, bitchiness, jabs, all that stuff: adios! Out with the snark, in with the thoughtful. Kind. You know, I’ll say it: random acts of kindness.

Let’s not pretend that humans are the same as avatars. My flesh and bones are not a representation of me, they ARE me. No NVIDIA anything required.

2009: The year of giving up racism, sexism, homophobia, classism, all the damn -isms.Just be nice for cryin’ out loud.

Don’t steal, don’t lie, don’t cheat. Be courteous and knock it off with the selfishness. What is that all about?

KARMA, people, karma!

All we need is love.